Dixie Chicks Go Pop, Brown Still Around, and The Grammy Goes To…

The Dixie Chicks are no longer country. Their un-country experiments titled ‘Taking The Long Way,’ bagged Five Grammy Awards at the 2007 ceremony. The Cowgirls are off the saddle, out of Yeeehaw Junction and heading for wide open spaces. They have crossed the Mason-Dixon Line. Texan gals, The Dixie Chicks attained international notoriety after Natalie Maines, their lead singer said in London: “Just so you know, we’re ashamed the President of the United States is from Texas.” She was voicing her opposition to the Bush administration’s plan to invade Iraq. Back home in the U.S. of A, her statement erupted like a Cat. Five hurricane, blowing the Dixie Chicks into near oblivion. Death threats, country radio boycotts, burning of their effigies and Cds. It went on and on. Only The Ku Klux Klan had nothing to say. Everybody else had an opinion. President Bush was quizzed about the incident time and time again. He smiled, saying it was a free country. Vice President Dick Cheney, a big time country music fan had nothing to say. He listens to Johnny Cash. “I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.” Then as if to prove a point, he shot one of his best friends Harry Whittington while hunting quail. The Dixie Chicks are too mild for old Dick. But the girls have spunk. Country music in general was giving them a hard time. So the Chicks decided to hell with Country, we’ll take the long road to the Pop highway. It was a gutsy move, some considered it suicidal. They cut ‘Taking The Long Way’ and walked away winners. The Dixie Chicks are no longer Dixie. And talking of Grammys. The Police regrouped, Mary J. Blige won, Red Hot Chili Peppers won, Justin Timberlake and John Legend, you know the rest.

And James Brown was remembered by a placement of his red glittering cape on a microphone stand. And where was Mr. Brown ? Funny question. No, I mean really, where was he? His body was still languishing in the 14 carat gold coffin hidden at an undisclosed location. ‘Yea Honey, it’s Money Again.’ That classic old family feud tune, composed by Hatfield and McCoy in 1876 is still a popular favorite. The Brown family was certainly not ready to make nice. The family wanted to have a grandiose Graceland like affair. The Trust disagreed. Lawyers, family, a wife, Tomi Rae Hynie, who some say is not really his fourth wife. More lawyers. Relatives crawling in, demanding, cajoling, threatening. Grandchildren, pets, maggots, leeches, assorted friends and old Flames. They all rallied around The Godfather of Soul. Brown could not turn over in his grave. He did not have one, not yet. Remember he died December 25, 2006. Not to be buried. There is something obscene about it all. Reverend Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton “friends” of Mr. Brown, have said nothing about this. Moral bankruptcy at its worst. And don’t even start with the religious implications. Brown may not find a permanent resting place for a long, long, time. Hardcore twenty first century Utilitarians can argue that Brown is dead anyway. What does it matter, he is presently decomposing anyway? Take a poll on that, see where it goes.

And finally, after three months, the body of James Brown was placed in a crypt at the Beech Island home of Deanna Brown Thomas, one of his daughters. The crypt will not be Brown’s final resting place.A mausoleum is being planned. Of course, the lawyers are still feuding. When the infighting is all over, Brown’s body will be exhumed and finally buried. It will be a long time before James Brown is finally laid to rest. The Godfather of Soul. No rest for his body.

Zsa Zsa Gabor’s eighth husband, Prince Frederic Von Anhalt says he’s the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s child. He is saying all this while Zsa Zsa Gabor, the Hungarian born ex-socialite and ex-actress, (who is reported to have been born a short time after Moses came down the mountain) is in a wheel chair partially paralyzed. He’s also saying that he wanted to adopt Smith, but according to him, the old bat Zsa Zsa strongly objected. I wonder why? Smith would have been a great kid! He wanted to adopt Smith, while he was having an affair with her. Technically he would be having sex with his daughter. That would make it incest…. at least on paper. Zsa Zsa’s husband is not a real Prince. He bought the title. He is the son of a German policeman. They should have given him a lifetime honorary Grammy for Stupidity with a copy of Mein Kampf. Another Grammy, for Indecent Behavior, should have been handed to the James Brown family, lawyers and trustees, with a copy of The Bible.

I wonder what they will call the final resting place of James Brown? Probably Lawyerland. Old Bob Dylan’s ‘Modern Times’ picked up a Grammy for best Folk/Americana album. What exactly does that mean? Like ‘Grunge Rock.’ It’s another industry label that is absolutely meaningless. And just in case anyone is interested. Best Polka album went to Jimmy Sturr and his Orchestra for their record ‘Polka in Paradise.’ Just thought you’d like to know what’s happening on the “alternate” side. That is what James Brown must be dancing to, feeling pure misery, looking down on his body. Talk about going through hell. The Godfather of Soul dancing to a Polka beat. Three quick steps and a hop. Unfortunately there is no Grammy for Polka dancing by a soul man, not yet anyway. Right now though, Papa’s got a Brand New Bag; it’s called ‘Please, Please, Please, I Need A Final Resting Place, Please.’A music Guru on the Red Carpet at the Grammy Awards said that John Mayer was the new Jimi Hendrix. Somebody should have axed the Guru with a Fender Stratocaster. At least Hendrix has the luxury of turning over in his final resting place. The Grammy Awards. What an experience!

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