Nessie Wags Her Tail, Again

Yes, it’s the Loch Ness Monster. ‘Nessie’ as the Scots fondly refer to her. Nessie recently decided to further her legend by showing up; and this time there just may be some credence to what has so far been an endearing myth.

Gordon Holmes, an amature scientist from Shipley, Yorkshire was having a great time, fishing on Loch Ness lake this September, when old Nessie decided to surface. Suddenly there she was, in real life, skimming along the water, terrifyingly magnificent in her dark serpentine splendor, sending ripples of her legend flowing towards Holmes. He grabbed his camera. This is what he saw, darkly through his lens. “I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw this jet black thing, about 45 feet (15 meters) long, moving fairly fast in the water. Moving about 6 miles per hour on a straight course. My initial thought was it could be a very big eel, with serpent-like features.” While shooting Nessie, Holmes panned back to get the background shore. This is important because it establishes a distinctive geographical certainty to the film. If this film is authentic, The Loch Ness Monster will pass from myth to reality.

Now, let’s take a closer look at dear Nessie.

The first sighting. It was in the 1930s that a surgeon filmed Nessie. That was the first sighting. More than 4,000 sightings have followed since. Many of these sightings were laced with good Scottish Whiskey but a few were considered “genuine.”

This is the year 2007. That means Nessie is more than 77-years-old. Is there more than one Nessie living in Loch Ness? Is there a whole family? The Nessie Monster Family?

Could Holms have set this all up, as many pranksters have known to do so in the past? The possibility certainly exists. Holms could have filmed a homemade contraption moving on Loch Ness Lake. There were no collaborating witnesses to his story, except his film. However, the clarity of his footage intrigued even the conservative and skeptical BBC, who decided to run with the story.

So what happens now? Loch Ness experts are analyzing the images, which they say is the best film ever shot of the reclusive Nessie.

And where is Nessie? Well, it looks like she went back into the darkness of Loch Ness, which runs to an amazing depth of 750 feet. That makes it deeper than the North Sea. Hunts for Nessie in the past have proved futile. 21^st century technology, like sonar, radar and other deep-sea detection devices have turned up nothing.

So, is the Loch Ness Monster for real? In the land of William Wallace and Robert The Bruce, Nessie is alive and doing well. She is a monster industry. Toys, T-shirts, coffee cups, beer mugs, back packs…. And thousands of tourists visiting Loch Ness every year each hoping to catch a glimpse of the fabled monster. Old Nessie is a modern monster moneymaking machine.

Now if you don’t believe in Nessie, go ahead tell the Scots that Nessie does not exist and that they are all bloody idiotic fools for believing in this nonsense. Do that in a bar in Scotland with a bunch of drunken kilt wearing Scotsmen. Chances are you will be joining Nessie in the cold waters of the Loch Ness Lake. Sometimes it is better to hold your tongue and let monsters live. A Scotch and soda is a good way to start! So here’s to ol’ Nessie, may her brave heart keep on ticking forever. And like they say in Scotland: “A silly man will be slily dealt with.”

So please don’t say something silly about Nessie.